journaleer homework

Homework, week of july 17th 2006

Submitted by thepolliwog

Recall one of your earliest memories. What happened? Who was there? Do you associate any sights, sounds, smells, feelings or tastes with the moment or event?

What is the strongest emotion you associate with this memory? (e.g., confusion, excitement, fear, curiosity, delight, betrayal, pleasure?)

One of my earliest memories… not the happiest of memories but its my first. I was about 4 or 5 i think, not very old. My mum had gone into hospital, she was ill with Crohn’s disease they had given her some medication which after she had been taking for a while her body reacted really badly too. Her skin blistered up so badly that she had to go into isolation, kind of having raw flesh makes u vulnerable to bugs un stuff. They called her illness steven johnson syndrome.

So anyways looking at my mum through the outside of a hospital window with my grandma is one of my earliest memories, i kind of remember my sister being there too but im not sure how old she was. I remember long grass, and crying because i couldnt be with my mum. I remember her looking small and how white the room was but apart from that i dont remember much. I guess im a little paranoid about making her ill, which has now kinda come about full circle as i have UC (Ulcerative Colitis) a simular thing but not the quite same thing.

Im not really paranoid like that, maybe im just strict? Especially with hand washing before you eat, i make my daughter was her hands straight after school, after the loo, and when she has been digging about in the garden. But to me thats just normal hygiene. I really have a problem with touching public toilet doors, and school doors, and feel crusty after handling money at work for 4 hours without being able to wash my hands, but then im not a kid and im not going to put my hands in my mouth. Its weird as your immune system is designed to deal with most types of bugs…maybe its not the bugs im worried about haha, thinking about it i am more worried about the vomit! I think thats where it all stems from, i really dislike sick, everything about it, and my mum was sick in more ways than one. Somewhere along the line i have connected the bugs with being sick and not the medication. Funny how the way your brain works eh?

I suppose the biggest emotion i associate with this memory was confusion… dont forget the stress, worry, fear, and lonelyness. Mum was ill alot when we were kids. I was never really told what was going on with my mum and that for a small child is really distressing. I was a pretty shy child and after all that i guess i got really rather clingy and unsure of the world. It never really seemed to effect my sister like that i guess she was way too little to remember it, that im thankful for.

Probably explains alot about the way i am now?